I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize