i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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