There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
