my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
