ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
