What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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