or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
