I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
