Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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