Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
