So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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