I CAN MOONWALK!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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