Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
