I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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