I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize