your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
