wakey wakey hands off snakey
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize