i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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