it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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