She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
