my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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