I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
