a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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