omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
