Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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