If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
