i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
