Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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