your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
