well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
