I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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