It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
