yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
