And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize