I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
