So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
