I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
