I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
