Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
