When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
