I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
