Bisexual people are plain selfish.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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