Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Damn victory sex feels great
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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