I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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