My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
