Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
