I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
