I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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