Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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