I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
