Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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