Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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