I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
