He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
