you guys were way drunker than both of me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
