My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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