He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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