Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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