honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
