Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Welp...herpes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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