our cab driver is having phone sex.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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