woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
