you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
