I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
