Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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