Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
