What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
