Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
