She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
